Navigating conversations where you feel unheard can be challenging, and it’s even more difficult when someone tries to dominate the discussion. Here are some practical tips to help you assert yourself and earn the respect you deserve during conversations:
Understanding Assertiveness: Assertiveness is not aggression; it’s about expressing yourself without being confrontational. It doesn’t involve making demands or imposing your will on others. Instead, it’s about ensuring your thoughts and feelings receive the respect they deserve while maintaining respect for others. Avoid sarcasm or any communication that might be misinterpreted. Maintain eye contact, display positive body language, and actively listen to the other person. Confidence is a valuable asset when asserting yourself.
- Be Specific and Clear: To assert your thoughts and feelings effectively, ensure that your message is clear and concise. Only speak when you are sure about your point, and articulate it in a straightforward manner. Stay on topic and convey precisely what you mean. Enunciate your words clearly and project your voice from your diaphragm, even if you’re naturally shy. Remember, you don’t need to say much; you just need to express what you believe needs to be said.
- Use Fogging When Confronted: If you feel confronted or attacked during a conversation, you can employ the fogging technique. This approach involves agreeing with the other person’s statement, even if it’s critical of you. By doing this, you disarm the attacker, as they expect you to become defensive or surprised. Fogging allows you to maintain an assertive stance while removing their advantage.
For example:
- Other Person: “You’re not doing a very good job with your work.”
- You: “Yes, I’m not doing as well as I hoped I would, and I’ve been concerned that it was making you unhappy.”
- Be a Broken Record If Necessary: Assertiveness also involves addressing issues that need resolution. Some individuals may resist or try to exploit your shyness by being unyielding. In such situations, you can employ the “broken record” technique. Repeatedly and calmly state a short, clear statement until the other person gets the message, regardless of their excuses or arguments.
For example:
- “I want you to be home by midnight.”
- “I don’t like the product, and I want my money back.”
- “No, I don’t want to go drinking; I want to study.”
Don’t back down, even if it becomes annoying to the other person. You have the right to assert your thoughts and feelings, and they need to respect your choices.
- Say ‘No’ Assertively with a “Thanks, but…” Phrase: Saying “no” can be particularly challenging for shy individuals, but it’s essential to assert your boundaries. You can make this easier by using a simple “Thanks, but…” phrase to convey your refusal politely.
For example:
- “Thanks, but I’m not interested.”
- “Thanks, but I can’t make that a priority right now.”
- “Thanks, but I need some time to myself right now.”
Starting with a “thanks” conveys appreciation while firmly asserting your decision. It communicates that you’ve considered their request but have made your choice. With practice, you can confidently say “no thanks” with a smile, not always requiring an explanation.
By following these tips, you can assert yourself effectively, even if you’re naturally shy, and ensure your thoughts and feelings receive the respect they deserve in conversations.